operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
