the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
