Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
