we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
