you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
