I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
