FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
