I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
