your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
