You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize