So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
