Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
