i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how can u be prego again
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
