He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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