Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
