Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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