1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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