Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
just found out that she named her cat after me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
