We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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