I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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