then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
