That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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