My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
