I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
