I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I want is dick and wine.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
