watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
please come you make the beer taste better
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
