I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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