Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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