how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
