I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
