I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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