I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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