billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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