Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
