Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
