My first STD was from a foam party
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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