There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
