I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize