On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize