I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Someone signed my nipple.
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