Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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