I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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