just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
