I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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