I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
