i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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