OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Drunk is not a location!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
