I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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