This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
