How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
sex in a hospital.. check
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
