Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
