Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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