She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
