You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
