Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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