Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
