R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
