He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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