please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
