The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
