Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we made out on top of his cat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
