so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize