he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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