i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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