the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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