I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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